So, last year was a really rough year. I have had a string of really rough years in a row, but last year shook the foundation of my future in a different way than others have. Last year started rough when major changes were made to my job. Things just progressed from there…
As the year progressed, I was confronted with a major concern to my health. I have had a number of major health issues over the years that have left my future uncertain, from surgeries to broken necks, but this one was a little different. Apparently I had something that brought the concern of a heart attack in October. The diagnosis was never confirmed as to what actually happened. What I know is that there were some changes to my heart that gave the appearance that I had a heart attack. The scary thing about that is that I don’t know when it happened and I might have just plowed through it. Am I really that dumb? Proud? Unaware???? I have no idea about that one, but it really affected me and made me consider my mortality and legacy.
That wasn’t all that happened to leave me feeling uncertain about the future. In November I found out that they were doing away with my department, and that I would be laid off at the end of the year. After 20 years in the same career there was a lot of comfort in that stability. Now it was going to be removed. I felt pretty shaken by all of the events of the past year.
Coming into 2019 I usually have a sense of what the Lord is doing and some type of theme to focus on for the year. This year was completely foreign to me. I felt a glimpse of what Abram (Abraham) must have felt in Genesis 12:1 when God told him to go to “a land that I will show you,” only I didn’t get the rest of the promises of being made a “great nation” and being a blessing to all families. I just got the “go into the unknown” part.
I have learned and been reminded of some things along this journey into the unknown. I’ve been worried about jobs and bills, but Jesus says, “Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds!” (Luke 12:24) He provided me with enough to cover the time I was without a job. He also provided me with a job very quickly. So, He literally provided me more than I would have had before. Of course, He kept this theme of uncertainty going by sending me into a new field, but He has brought me this far.
With this great unknown ahead of me, I am comforted by some passages that I am just going to share. Life is still uncertain. I don’t know where this journey is going. I don’t know what’s going on, but I can hold to these in the middle of the unknown.
Psalm 46:1 “God is our refuge and strength.”
Peter 5:7 “Cast your cares on God. He cares for you.”
Matthew 6:31-34 “Don’t worry about things. God will take care of you.”
Psalm 29:11 “The Lord gives His people strength.”
Deuteronomy 31:6 “Be strong and courageous. The Lord is going ahead of you.”
Psalm 55:22 “Give your cares to God. He won’t let you fall.”
James 1:2-4 “When your faith is tested, your endurance grows, and you will grow.”